the hills , the hills

jonny bad boy

Chamem-me Amor

Há palavras que nos beijam e há palavras que são escritas porque fomos beijados.

Talvez a palavra e o beijo são verdadeiramente a mesma coisa.
Uma expressão exterior de uma coisa interior.

Chamem-me Amor

O teu beijo quente                                                                                                                                                             os teus lábios entusiasmados e ávidos                                                                                                              desejosos sempre de mais.                                                                                                                                             A tua respiração                                                                                                                                                           em sincronia  com a minha                                                                                                                                     as tuas mãos na minha cara no meu pescoço
            
O meu desejo                                                                                                                                                                 cúmplice do teu                                                                                                                                                                      O meu coração                                                                                                                                                                     pronto a te acolher                                                                                                                                                                O meu abraço, o teu abraço                                                                                                                                      uma união de um só ser.                                                                                                                                               A vontade, o desejo                                                                                                                                                       de algo honesto e bom.  
 
Juntos                                                                                                                                                                                                           cheiros perdidos                                                                                                                                                     realização                                                                                                                                                                             de desejos escondidos .                                                                                                                                                     Bocas juntas                                                                                                                                      descobrindo ,alma e corpo,                                                                                                                                         uma só melodia.    
                                                  
 Vontade de ser                                                                                                                                                     vontade de amar                                                                                                                                               vontade de prazer                                                                                                                                                                        unes                                                                                                                                                                              num                                                                                                                                                                                      só                                                                                                                                                                         momento de esplendor                                                                                                                                                                            e de alegria.                                                                                                                                                                   Duas almas                                                                                                                                                                             dando e recebendo.
                       
E a tua mão                                                                                                                                                                  perto do meu coração,                                                                                                                                                         como se fosse lá,                                                                                                                                                                    lá o teu lugar,                                                                                                                                                                       lá no meu peito,                                                                                                                                                          para lá ficar                                                                                                                                                                        junto de mim                                                                                                                                                                 do nosso coração partilhado.  
                         
Cara contra cara,                                                                                                                                                                      para sentir a tua cara.                                                                                                                                                                   A minha cara é a tua                                                                                                                                                       e a tua é a minha.      
Vontade de um sempre,                                                                                                                                                forçada aceitação de um nunca,                                                                                                                                                    mas cara a cara,                                                                                                                                                              lábio sobre lábio,                                                                                                                                                                   sinto                                                                                                                                                                                    o teu beijo                                                                                                                                                                                       o teu beijo                                                                                                                                                                 quente                                                                                                                                                                                         o teu desejo                                                                                                                                                                    quente,                                                                                                                                                                               o prazer na tua alma                                                                                                                                                                           o desejo                                                                                                                                                                                       de mais e mais                                                                                                                                                                       o teu carrinho                                                                                                                                                                constante                                                                                                                                                                                           e o teu beijo                                                                                                                                                                       sempre deliciante.                    
       

randomly friends and friends

Okay so it’s been a month since I started dating. Great. Yes but one little thing. I feel as if I have isolated myself from my friends. As much as I may have affection for my boy-friend I don’t want to compromise my other relationships namely those I have with my friends. It’s as if they don’t need me anymore, as if I don’t need them. I do need them. If it weren’t for the friends I have made I would seriously be in a very deep depression.

I need my friends.

I need balance.

I need the support of my friends as well as that of my boy-friend. No one thing is more important than the other.

In fact I  think that how couple’s act when exposed to their friends and family actually helps define the couple’s identity as well as the individual identity of both members.

So here’s to my sisters or rather more commonly known as my friends and princesses. :)

I love you :)

Coro UL!!!

The University of Lisbon Choir Sings!!!

Liberdade

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qy5eMKJ37EQ&feature=plcp

Sã qui turo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_CfJyylepk&list=PL3E4D72A7C21B8E48&index=9&feature=plpp_video

My Spirit Sang!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DatkQAWt2s&feature=youtu.be

Perdido

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzawGqlxiAM&feature=autoplay&list=PL3E4D72A7C21B8E48&playnext=1

Satin Doll

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6c8bXgsR6uU&list=PL3E4D72A7C21B8E48&index=6&feature=plpp_video

A train

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwHMxWozZM4&feature=plcp

Tiko Funa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-hztlSAc8E&feature=plcp

rosalind again

Há coisas e dias que nos deixam sem palavras mas por isto porque como diz Saramago nem tudo o que pode ser vivido pelo o ser humano pode ser expresso através de palavras.

Como é que podemos exprimir o sentimento relacionado com um cheiro, com um toque, com uma memória.
Não podemos cada um vive os momentos marcantes da sua vida de uma forma pessoal.

Há quem tenha mais jeito para as palavras e que consiga fazer uma tentativa bastante boa.
Há quem possa descrever um primeiro beijo, uma primeira paixão, um primeiro olhar, um primeiro toque.

Talvez essa descrição se torne em literatura, pessoal ou publica.

O que há sem duvida nenhuma são momentos que nos marcam e são inesquecíveis  Talvez um dia querermos nos esquecer ou talvez nunca havemos de ter o desejo de esquecer.

Aqui a minha personagem do Princess in my Head vive um momento que ela diz nunca querer esquecer.

'' It was not a sunny october day. Nothing like she had imagine but Rosalind could not have imagined this moment even if she had tried.

First somethings don't always come when one expects them to.

The first time Rosalind kissed Orlando was a rather bi-polar day. The rain, sun, wind and thunder had all been there that day.

It wasn't the most romantic moment of her life but it was a defining one.
Under the canopy of oranging green maple leafs...

And so it goes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHO6a2H-pqY



Every once in a while we close a chapter in our lives. It isn’t necessarily when we move or when we change schools. There are chapters that close when they choose to close. Life chapters don’t close necessarily when we decide. They close when we have truly moved on.

Chapters close when they decide and last as long as they want. There are things so wonderful and to be discovered in new chapters. The true key to new life chapters are true new beginning. We don’t decide our chapters life decides them for us sometimes.

It’s all about looking back and saying it was good, I enjoyed it as long as it lasted, it was nice but I don’t miss it not for one second because right now is even more beautiful. It has got it’s rainy days and grey skies and yet I still love it.

I know it won’t always be peaches n’cream and that there are days where the sun won’t shine but still I know that right now is where I should be, where I want to be and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Even if it doesn’t last very long it is beautiful and I am thankful.

Ser e estar mais nada

Há dias em que não nos apetece escrever.
Há dias em que queremos nos perder nos pensamentos, e nas memórias.


Há dias em que lembram-nos do sol a reflectir num lago e entrar por entre folhas de verde nos olhos de alguém.
Há coisas que esquecemos e há coisas que nos lembramos.
Mas também há coisas que esperamos nunca esquecer.
Como o riso dos nossos amigos, como um sorriso inesperado.

Nem tudo no mundo é beleza, mas também nem tudo é feio.
Se conseguirmos ter um momento de felicidade ou de alegria então talvez já tenha valido termos saído da cama nesse dia e termos enfrentado o mundo.

Não precisamos de muito desde que o pouco que tenhamos seja bom.

As vezes   procuramos definir as coisas que não têm definição.

Eu não sou definida.

Ninguém é porque a definição da vida, de estar vivo é sinonimo de mudança.

Dá que pensar. 

O que é namorar?

Eis aqui respostas

• O namoro, como já mostramos, é o tempo de conhecer o outro,

• Tudo isto será vivido através de um diálogo rico dos dois, pelo qual cada um vai se revelando ao outro, trocando as suas experiências e as suas riquezas interiores, e assim, começa a construção recíproca de cada um,

• O namoro implica no reconhecimento da “pessoa” do outro, a sua aceitação e a comunicação com ela

http://www.catequisar.com.br/texto/materia/especial/namoro/04.htm

• É não conseguir desviar os olhos ou tentar disfarçar e devorar com os olhos quando o outro se distrai.
• É beijo roubado

• Namorar é abraçar sem pressa de soltar

http://www.hermesfernandes.com/2012/06/namorar-e.html

• O namoro é uma forma de convivência, onde duas pessoas que se gostam passam bastante tempo juntas.

http://www.portaldafamilia.org.br/saberAmar/saberamar02.shtml




mas talvez namorar é quando temos coragem de dizer que estamos a namorar.

Shivers: From Fiction to reality

On my magic Mirror account I put a post:

''What im scared of is not flying. Its that perhaps for the first time, i am not afraid of flying.''

to which he commented:

 I am very scared too but i lost all the fear when i am with you.

I have come into a phase in my life where I try to be as realistic and grounded as possible but this sentence sends shivers down my spine. (The good kind of shivers)

I wonder if it's okay to see sunlight in a person's eyes.
If it's okay to see sun lit hills of brown earth.
To want to take someone's hand with the hopes that they will not lead us too far from the shore.

I guess it all depends on trust.

And so it goes

Since my last post wasn't much of a post here goes the last part of that I have written from the Tales of a Cookie Princess- Princess in my head.

'' I was once the Cookie Princess, and I no longer know what I am now. Or perhaps it is only now that I know what I am.

I am me.

I am the self proclaimed First Rose Of Winter.

I am a girl, but ultimately I am a woman.

I am strong, I am beautiful and I am not sorry for who I am.
Only for what others unknowingly make me out to be.


     I had a crush on someone for a long time. Only when it became unbearable did I do something about it. Many little things that lead me nowhere but that allowed me to no confront reality. The reality that I feared was too disapointing.

  After some time I did something about it, and one week later I confronted the truth, and asked a question I had been asking myself for some time : Did he like me? The answer was mixed but it did answer my question.

He did, and he had .

But he would be a priest.

He admited he would never have had the courage to ask me if  I felt something for him.

I wondered if it was brave or just plain stupid.

I don't think I was either.

All I needed was closure, and above all the answer to a question that only he could answer.

It is better to have liked and lost than to never have liked at all.

    I took a shot and for the first time in my life I did something real. I seperated my myth from reality, and even though it doesn't end with 'and they lived happily ever after'  it's not a sad ending.

Like the prayer says 'Thy will, be done.'

Getting it over with

So I told him I liked him.

The cookie prince is acctually a cookie priest.


 Talk about having a life that feels like a soap opera.

Remenicing in Song

He may like de women det speak de French but i wasn't understanding much my Québecois.
And he asked me about Canada so here's me reminicing.



À la mode dzu Québec! Enoin
Some things à la mode de Québec!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMc-6MVEHF8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=fcbud6LZ1FA&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=40QCYukDcto

Doesn't sound much like the Parisian French Eih! :p

Now this one sounds more like it's Cousin the France French Accent
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1rKP0mAt80

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IT8-9tmnL9E
more canadian Music

This song makes me think of Canada. It always has and it always will.
This song is like the smell of the air just before it starts snowing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVY8LoM47xI

And some say I forgot my Canadian rib. hah!

You can't forget what you are, just ignore it.

If he discovers this blog I'm screwed!

Okay so it has come to my attention that if Prince Cookie ever discoveres this blog I might as well change my name and move to a differente city. That is unless he somehow found the fact that I am talking about him somehow I don't know like a compliement, which it isn't. I write what I feel but I do embelish a bit. What can I say I have the soul of a writer (maybe not a very good one but still). 

This blog is about me. About my perception of some events in my life. The cookie tales are basically part of what goes on in my head as I have stuggled with this crush since it took larger perportions. 

To normal people the perportion is acctually very small.
But it's normal to be scared, especially if you are part 'scardy cat'.

For now I will admit this much I don't want to mess this up. I don't want to jinks the first real thing I have felt for someone. It's just a crush, but I don't think I've ever blushed this much. To the exception of last week when I stepped on the choir director's foot, and only realized it 20 seconds later. It wasn't on purpose but I did turn beet red. Clearly to him it was nothing but to me it was as if I had accidentally stepped on the President's foot.

'Cause you made me smile

(Babs this is the extended version of my text message.)


It’s hard to explain what we don’t know but I guess I can admit to having taken a step forward.

Yesterday after choir I waited as he asked the choir director something and then nervously I sucked it up and asked him if he wanted to practice his English and French with me. Well first I asked if I could talk to him. He probably thought ‘I didn’t kill her cat so what could this be about’. And then I asked him if he wanted to kind of a language exchange. I said I could try going through my own faculty but I had thought of asking him first. He said he wasn’t really good in English to which I replied I planned to teach so it was okay. He asked me what my course was and then accepted, as my friend played a song from pride and prejudice. We planned what days worked and I was surprised to learn that we would start this very week, as in today.
I went smiling and bouncing to the metro, where I met the rest of my friends who naturally were happy for me.

When I went home I wrote on facebook ‘My spirit sang all day’ and then I barely slept with happiness and remorse.

Today I was freaking out as I walked from class to meet him, I almost ran away, but didn’t.
I saw him sitting in front of the rectory on the steps as I came out of my faculty. He kinda has a shape I recognize and he was looking at my faculty. The first bit was awkward. I couldn’t get myself to look at him in the face. And yes he is kind of balding but after a bit it didn’t matter. He asked me about Canada. Not really what I love but I answered and went on tangents, All of this in English. Sometimes he would have a hard time trying to express something and I would help him. There was no awkward silence. Then Pessanha showed up and asked if she was interrupting of course we both said she wasn’t. She and I talked for a bit as he tried to understand.

He laughed at all of my jokes, and one moment I even caught him staring at me with a smile.
When he went to the washroom Pessanha (she’s a girl) told me that he seemed to like me. That he was laughing with me and not at me. She said she wasn’t trying to make me feel good. Still it did boost my ego a little. She stayed with us for quit a bit and then went to class by then the two hours were up and we had to go our separate ways but we went talking. I learnt a lot about him. And one thing that surprised me was that at one point we both considered the religious life (I think he thought I was kidding. I wasn’t but people never thought I would actually go through with it. For now I don’t think it’s my calling but I will keep my ears open to whatever calling God asks of me). We both went to the metro and to my sadness I got out at In Between Fields. It felt like when you’ve been sitting on a cushion and then someone takes it away. But before leaving I turned around and asked if we were still on for Monday, to which he replied we were.

Oh and he likes women who speak French (If I can count as a woman then yay!)

In some ways we are a like and in others we differ. Maybe not completely but we do differ. I may like to dream but I know what it is to have your feet on the ground.

Oh at one point I mentioned the cookie recipe and he said he’d be making it next month or in a few years.

So I said we would have to know each other until then because I really want to know how they turn out. And at the end he said he understood about 60 to 70 percent of what I and Pessanha said. I said ‘well then you know my secrets’. He replied ‘oh no, no’.

Other things:

His hands are really nice. I hadn’t noticed. I got him to give me a high-five. His palm was sweaty. He’s got a strong hand.

I looked at his eyes for the very first time and realized how beautiful they are like honey but only darker. Or like a chocolate or coffee caramel. They are brown but a really nice brown.

It’s getting worse. And it will probably get much worse, this crush.

For now I guess I will take it one day at a time and just enjoy it for what it is. Nothing lasts but that’s why I’ll just be happy for today.

Time/ a boring story

Okay so I haven't gotten over him. Nope a whole summer and it's only getting worse and the worse part is I'm getting jealous.  And to top that off I'm acctually going crazy.

You see I now see him everywhere and hear his laughter in places where I know he would never be.
So if this isn't going crazy I don't know what is (which would be a good thing , maybe?)

And yesterday these were the thoughts that went through my head :

I've got the following options: own up to it, suck it up and get over it, or do something about it. The problem is I'm inclined to go the radical approach.

The problem is I'm still considering the radical approach .

p.s. I'm starting to pay attention to the colour of his shirts. Yesterday it was shamrock Green, or what I call Irish Green and no it wasn't faded.

I tried talking to him but he was on his cellphone. So I am cursing cell phones to hell . And so I said nothing.
Yes and I followed him out but all it got me was to hear his sweet laughter (see i'm going crazy) at something I possibly said but I really don't know how that was funny.

Okay I'll explain. I followed him but then as we got to the door Ernest open the door for him and the ladies me and an Alto. Ernest said 'i'll open the door for you unlike now-a-days ' and I went through as well as Isabel (i think it's her name) and then said 'that's true, that's very true. people don't do that anymore and it's very sad.' He laughed (I though ah his laugh, which I probably at one point might have though was annoying or maybe not). And then I walked kinda close beside Ernest and him and then when it came time to cross he went to the bus ( I was sad, and remembered that when I bought my pass this month it meant I couldn't follow him to the bus. One day if I don't get over him I will, but I'll have to plan it well. even if I have to use my zapping). He said goodbye to Ernest, ernest said goodbye ( I thought about saying goodbye but said nothing) and me and Ernest turned right and Ernest talked a bit until we got to the cross walk. I went alone into the metro and sat sulking a bit on a bench as I saw a train come and go.
Then Mario saw me and said hi. I said hi back (had to be polite) got on the same train, waved goodbye and got out at the next stop. Sat on my sulking bench in 'In between Fields' sulking remembering the last time I had sat on that bench crying because I was really tiered that day and because I had run so fast I had missed him and saw him talking to Ernest on the train. That bench.

Life is all about timing. I have had really bad timing so maybe I have to stop trying.

Ahhhh!!!!

Ahhh!!!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and yes this Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

is a good thing.


It maybe be stupid


but


but

he put a like on my new profile

picture on facebook.


Okay now I can move on.

and move forward .

the

end

Feeling Stupid/ Random

'
'Tiered of feeling stupid? Well join the club '' she said to the little brown pug dog that followed her as she walked faster and faster across the field.

''You know what?'' she asked the dog. The dog clearly didn't answer. '' I think he's deleted me from his facebook. I think I'm here going crazy and he's never given a second thought to me.
See that's why I feel stupid.''

'' Yesterday I looked at him from the side and his shirt was one of the colours of the sunset outside. I took a second look at the shirt and it wasn't a nice shirt at all. It looked like it had been washed too many times fading the design printed on. And the seams! I think I could see the seams. I can't see all that well but I think he was wearing his shirt inside out. Not kool but on the other side there is that saying that says that if you put on a shirt inside out without noticing you will get a gift.

I also noticed his hand was in a form I had seen all my life in Church on a statue of Saint John the Baptist.

Today as I came to school I thought I saw him. And I feel like I'm seeing him everywhere.

Oh what's the point you're just a dog. What do you know? I bet you don't even care.'' she said as she finally sat down on a part bench.

The little dog barked, lifted his head and sat.

''I guess you do wanna listen.'' she said stressing the 'do'.

''Fine I guess I can keep talking to you. Well little dog I can't seem to concentrate in Choir. And we all know why. If I keep this up my hands will be all marked from my pressing my nails into my palms.
But I did something that helped a bit. Aurora told me that we are whom we believe we are. And for half and hour I remembered I was an Adult and I was able to concentrate. Not that I didn't think at least 3 times of quitting the choir.

Do you think I should e-mail him asking if he wants to practice french and english with me? Or should I try talking to him.

See little dog part of me wants to try and part of me wants to run in the opossite direction forgetting this ever happened.

Oh little dog what to do. I even prayed to know what to do and I come back with no answers. I know there must be this bigger plan that I just don't see right now.

Oh well little dog thanks for listening.''

She smiled at the little dog.

She stayed on the park bench thinking long before the little dog had left.

She wasn't unhappy just tiered of being confused.

The little dog walked with her home everyday for the next two months and he listened attentively when she talked to him.

(The Cookie Princess- Tales of a princess in my head)

New but not recent redundant prose

When you have times when your mind goes everywhere and nowhere the same kind of prose always comes up.
And from one of those moments comes this crappy prose

Endless denying
half of me
still wanting

Divided in two
or maybe three
feels like
i've got too much
time
to think

Trying to avoid the dreams
and for a while
it helps
Then back to sero
and back to confused
I go

Nothing makes sense
some say it will
I don't believe them
yet still I hope

Trying to put the past
in it's place
yet it keeps jumbling my thoughts
in the present
Past turning into present
doesn't let the futur
and present stand

Hipocracies and mediocracies
words
no longer making sense

Worries
Faith
and strength in between
just
giving this confusion
a endless sheen

Hiding behind confusion
when the answers
are already there
Afraid
they aren't the answers
given by my heart

Stereos, tv's , media, advertizing
and people's voices
Trying to find the truth
in silence
yet subjected
to it's defening sound.

The voices inside
 ecco the ones outside
Which ones to hear
and which ones not

Stuck in a limbo
between
dreams and reality.
Wondering
if the dreams are mine
or someone else's.

Dreams that look like reality
and reality that closely resembles a dream
Decisions decisions the more I think
about it
the less I take
need to think once and quickly jump
or end up staying in the same place

Who am I?

A friend recently told me that to know what you want you have to know who you are.

She didn't know that it's been a question that I have been trying to answer for a very long time.
As a person of mixed heritage it's always been a question that I have tried to answer.
And the most enlightened answer that I have found is that we are who we want to be.

I am portugues not because I have a document that says so but because I choose to be portugues.
People who don't chose what they are take it for granted. I have never once taken the fact that I am portugues for granted.
When I was small my mother would get me to eat my açorda or bacalhão by claiming that she would take away my portugues nationality. I don't know if she could do that but what I do know is that I ate my meals without complaining.
(And I respect the part of me that is canadian, and I recognize the part that is italian.)

I am made up of a bunch of little parts just like everyone else.
I am made up of a bunch of different parts but I am not defined by the individual parts.

It's not so much about knowing what you want but allowing yourself to want it or feeling that it is okay to want it.
I can want chocolate but think that it's wrong to want it since I have a cavity or I'm fasting.

Just because you know who you are doesn't mean you know what you want.
and knowing what you want doesn't mean that you know yourself.

And just because we know who we are does not mean others know as well.
People hide parts of themselves or just shut up when no one is listening.

Sometimes when people are listening I say stupid things, and sometimes when I have something smart to say no one is listening so I say nothing and smile.
Just because we know ourselves does not mean others give us space to be ourselves.
As humans we are forced to adapt.
We adapt our selves sometimes until we explode.

Perhaps it's not about who we are, who I am, but who we are allowed to be.

I am me.

I know who I am and I know that I am changing everyday.

Cookie tales continued

''As soon as you think that something has ended it comes back again to haunt you.
It can be a good thing or a bad thing.

If it's a bad thing such as someone who is obssed with you calling you during summer vacation precisely during the only week that you are vacationing at the beach and then receiving a slip to pick up a parcel.
(And P.S. the slip indicates there is an amount you have to pay )

As a good thing it can be something such as seeing someone on whom you have a crush and not really expecting to see them and your heart leaping in your chest as it violently races. Unknowingly your thoughts come out and you wisper (in English) I wish I could die this very moment. And it kinda feels that way the way your heart is racing.
And while this goes on you stab your, slightly longer than usual, nails into the palsm of your hands as you realize how there is no one to run to. The ones who help you calm down are nowhere to be found so you stab even harder into palms but then he comes up tp say hi to you and two other people standing next to you.'Crap' you think 'I still have a crush on him'.
You force yourself to look up and say hi with a smile (You atill want to be friendly) but you barely look up . You are trying to calm your pounding heart. 'I think he noticed how my knuckles are turning white' you think.
Later you wonder is it fear?
or is it nerves?

To make things worse you dream about talking to him as the choir stops in Tuscany for a performance. And you finally confront him.
He comes out telling you he knows and no he doesn't want it. You ask him what does he mean you two not be friends and he says not at all you can be friends. You tell him you just want to get to know him. So you try to sit down and talk but seem to have nothing to say to each other. Yet as you wake up you both start talking.
All of this after following him through a bunch of city streets and he finally stopping. (And yes it was the choir I saw other tenors and bases and sopranos and alto's though not as clearly)
But you wake up ashamed and annoyed at yourself.
Why couldn't this be over instead of getting worse?

I just have to say I hug so many girls (who are my friends) that he probably (if he even thinks in my respect) thinks I'm a lesbian who hasn't come out of the closet. Just thinking. (And yes this is probably the crazy voice talking but it's still a voice.)''

Diary Exerpt from Princess inside my head, the tale of a cookie princess