Okay well I JUST need to blow some steam. or not or whatever.
I went to his facebook page. I know I know I said I wouldn't but I shook my magic 8 ball and if it said yes I would check his page to see his relationship status.
And to my surprise the magic 8 ball said yes so I looked at his page and yes he is still single on it. Not that that really matters but it does put a smile on my face even if it is a lie.
I swear if I didn't have a crush on him I sooo would not be thinking about boys in any way shape or form.
Honestly I don't see anyone whom I might actually like liking me. It just doesn't happen that way with the exception of friends of course.
I've never really be able to imagine myself dating and every time I dream of getting married I'm in a beautiful staight jacket, with lace of course, trying to get away. Or in a nice enough dress running away from the isle.
I have to admit I love wedding gowns. I love the ideals of the institution of marriage but I hate that in actual fact many people interpret a marriage certificate as a title of ownership.
Which is beside the point. Many people do have loving marriages although for some it's just a waiting game of who will go first.
The way I learnt things was you dated in order to get to know people in order to see if they were a good match for you to marry.
Now a days many people have the same thing on their minds, and it isn't the fullfilment of a covenant with God. In fact for many it involves very little comitment.
I am not saying I judge people for their choices. I would never judge a person on the way they think or live.
I have my beliefs and I hope that people have enough decency to respect that.
Some messages are transendent.
I don't like when people bash my beliefs or tell me they are impossible infront of me. Just because I am quiet does not mean I am not listening. I could do the same thing but I don't.
Sometimes people believe because they have reason to believe. Maybe there was a moment in their lives where they were in desperation and chose to say a prayer even though they did not believe and God listened and did something.
You don't need a lot of faith just a right moment.
Some people believe out of choice, some out of tradition, some because they must, and others because they feel something which is beyond themselves.
I could never date someone who did not believe in something bigger then themselves. It's not in my personality or in my religious academic education. At least that is the way I feel now.
I am a person of faith if nothing else. I may not always know, or be able to describe what it is I believe in but that I believe, I do. It's a part of who I am.
That is why I pray because when I don't pray for guidance when listening to my heart I often times get side tracked by other voices.
I don't pray for people to love me or even to like me. I pray that people don't hate me or dislike me, that they be indiferent.
I was once told by an Uncle,'' I don't ask God for things but for the tools that I need to get them''.
I have a crush. It's normal. Does it put a smile on my face from time to time? yes. Do I want to do something about it? I'm kinda scared so no not really. Should I eventually do something about it? Yes I probably should. Do I want to know if my crush likes me? honestly I think I do.
Do I want someting to come of it? No. Would it be awkward? probably. Why would I not want something to come of it? because I'm scared, and I don't like disapoinment.
Such is life.
p.s. the biggest question is does he like me?