I've been thinking a lot. Remembering where I have come from. What I have done. Things that I have loved. I am feeling nostalgic. I can't help but think about Vancouver. About elementary school, highschool and my old house. Many nights are spent in those places. Inevitably I can't espace it. I can't totally let go of the past.
It's been three years since I was back.
I suppose in some ways I have started to creat an idealized vision of what it is. Sometimes I feel there is something within me calling me back. I guess it may just be closure. I had a relationship with my country. It wasn't always good. I'm in a better relationship with my other country. Deep down I still wonder what if?
What if I had stayed? But I know I wouldn't be happier. I would have ended up sad and possibly married to the first fool to cross my path. Perhaps a kind fool but I can't imagine myself feeling fullfilled in such a small life in such a big country. I guess that is the thing with big countries: they make you feel smaller and alone.
You have to go towards your dreams and not give up without trying. When you do get your dream you have to start dreaming again.
I can't say I dream big although it's big for me to dream of things I never really wanted.
In some part dreams can come and go. Some things are like the tide....
People change. I have since I came to live here and in the past year I have changed a lot. I'm not as scared as I once was.