Freaking out and random

‘‘I did something I’m not proud of.

In fact I feel nervous as hell! (Pardon my language)

I sent him a message asking how summer vacation was and if the cookies worked out.

Normal people would ask me ‘What the hell are you freaking out about? (P.S. He’s not quit the ‘club’.)
Well I dreamt he was a ghost haunting me. How do I know he looked like a ghost well he’d be far away and smiling (this part I’m not sure, but he wasn’t mad) I would look a second time and he’d be in the same place but then I would look again and he would be gone. There then not there.

I’m hoping this dream was induced by the 5mg of Aerius meds I’m taking for my allergies.

Now I find myself avoiding my e-mail in order to not see if I have a reply.

What is wrong with me! I’m a conundrum a babbling paradox of sorts.

Yet again what I want is friends. Not that I don’t have friends I just don’t have any male friends.

‘The Universe is conspiring in our favour’ well the book also says ‘You must always know what it is that you want’. At times I may not always be sure of what I do want but I know what I don’t want.

Maybe I’m just ignoring a blessing since ‘Every blessing ignored becomes a curse’. Although in respect to this quote I was asked ‘Well then how do we know whether it is a blessing?’  To that I say learn to read the omens. We know how we just never took the time to look closely. Well according to Santiago, the shepherd boy, in the Alchemist.

Sometimes we have to do things for ourselves.

I’m so tiered of all the romance novels and shows about love and marriage. Oh and all the songs. It feels like we’re being brainwashed into thinking that if we are single we have no worth. People should be worth something on their own.

Love and romance are beautiful ideas and maybe in some cases they do exist but there is no need to be stuffing people’s heads with a set notion of what it is, and how it works. It’s good to have guidelines but come on.

I hate it when people say oh well love between a couple is different. Well sorry but love is love or people would have another word for it. You can love a friend, and you can love your sister. The means of expression is not the same but there is one thing that is the same. You want that other person to be the best version of themselves, and not for your sake but for theirs. Oh and it’s a two way street.

Anyways I'm babbling.’’ (Princess in my Head)