Cookie tales continued

''As soon as you think that something has ended it comes back again to haunt you.
It can be a good thing or a bad thing.

If it's a bad thing such as someone who is obssed with you calling you during summer vacation precisely during the only week that you are vacationing at the beach and then receiving a slip to pick up a parcel.
(And P.S. the slip indicates there is an amount you have to pay )

As a good thing it can be something such as seeing someone on whom you have a crush and not really expecting to see them and your heart leaping in your chest as it violently races. Unknowingly your thoughts come out and you wisper (in English) I wish I could die this very moment. And it kinda feels that way the way your heart is racing.
And while this goes on you stab your, slightly longer than usual, nails into the palsm of your hands as you realize how there is no one to run to. The ones who help you calm down are nowhere to be found so you stab even harder into palms but then he comes up tp say hi to you and two other people standing next to you.'Crap' you think 'I still have a crush on him'.
You force yourself to look up and say hi with a smile (You atill want to be friendly) but you barely look up . You are trying to calm your pounding heart. 'I think he noticed how my knuckles are turning white' you think.
Later you wonder is it fear?
or is it nerves?

To make things worse you dream about talking to him as the choir stops in Tuscany for a performance. And you finally confront him.
He comes out telling you he knows and no he doesn't want it. You ask him what does he mean you two not be friends and he says not at all you can be friends. You tell him you just want to get to know him. So you try to sit down and talk but seem to have nothing to say to each other. Yet as you wake up you both start talking.
All of this after following him through a bunch of city streets and he finally stopping. (And yes it was the choir I saw other tenors and bases and sopranos and alto's though not as clearly)
But you wake up ashamed and annoyed at yourself.
Why couldn't this be over instead of getting worse?

I just have to say I hug so many girls (who are my friends) that he probably (if he even thinks in my respect) thinks I'm a lesbian who hasn't come out of the closet. Just thinking. (And yes this is probably the crazy voice talking but it's still a voice.)''

Diary Exerpt from Princess inside my head, the tale of a cookie princess