'Cause you made me smile

(Babs this is the extended version of my text message.)


It’s hard to explain what we don’t know but I guess I can admit to having taken a step forward.

Yesterday after choir I waited as he asked the choir director something and then nervously I sucked it up and asked him if he wanted to practice his English and French with me. Well first I asked if I could talk to him. He probably thought ‘I didn’t kill her cat so what could this be about’. And then I asked him if he wanted to kind of a language exchange. I said I could try going through my own faculty but I had thought of asking him first. He said he wasn’t really good in English to which I replied I planned to teach so it was okay. He asked me what my course was and then accepted, as my friend played a song from pride and prejudice. We planned what days worked and I was surprised to learn that we would start this very week, as in today.
I went smiling and bouncing to the metro, where I met the rest of my friends who naturally were happy for me.

When I went home I wrote on facebook ‘My spirit sang all day’ and then I barely slept with happiness and remorse.

Today I was freaking out as I walked from class to meet him, I almost ran away, but didn’t.
I saw him sitting in front of the rectory on the steps as I came out of my faculty. He kinda has a shape I recognize and he was looking at my faculty. The first bit was awkward. I couldn’t get myself to look at him in the face. And yes he is kind of balding but after a bit it didn’t matter. He asked me about Canada. Not really what I love but I answered and went on tangents, All of this in English. Sometimes he would have a hard time trying to express something and I would help him. There was no awkward silence. Then Pessanha showed up and asked if she was interrupting of course we both said she wasn’t. She and I talked for a bit as he tried to understand.

He laughed at all of my jokes, and one moment I even caught him staring at me with a smile.
When he went to the washroom Pessanha (she’s a girl) told me that he seemed to like me. That he was laughing with me and not at me. She said she wasn’t trying to make me feel good. Still it did boost my ego a little. She stayed with us for quit a bit and then went to class by then the two hours were up and we had to go our separate ways but we went talking. I learnt a lot about him. And one thing that surprised me was that at one point we both considered the religious life (I think he thought I was kidding. I wasn’t but people never thought I would actually go through with it. For now I don’t think it’s my calling but I will keep my ears open to whatever calling God asks of me). We both went to the metro and to my sadness I got out at In Between Fields. It felt like when you’ve been sitting on a cushion and then someone takes it away. But before leaving I turned around and asked if we were still on for Monday, to which he replied we were.

Oh and he likes women who speak French (If I can count as a woman then yay!)

In some ways we are a like and in others we differ. Maybe not completely but we do differ. I may like to dream but I know what it is to have your feet on the ground.

Oh at one point I mentioned the cookie recipe and he said he’d be making it next month or in a few years.

So I said we would have to know each other until then because I really want to know how they turn out. And at the end he said he understood about 60 to 70 percent of what I and Pessanha said. I said ‘well then you know my secrets’. He replied ‘oh no, no’.

Other things:

His hands are really nice. I hadn’t noticed. I got him to give me a high-five. His palm was sweaty. He’s got a strong hand.

I looked at his eyes for the very first time and realized how beautiful they are like honey but only darker. Or like a chocolate or coffee caramel. They are brown but a really nice brown.

It’s getting worse. And it will probably get much worse, this crush.

For now I guess I will take it one day at a time and just enjoy it for what it is. Nothing lasts but that’s why I’ll just be happy for today.